Calmly. I saw what you did.
“I know. I’m sorry.” I’m dead inside. Please, punish me. Just let it happen.
“Sorry does not even BEGIN to cover it! Do you KNOW what you’ve DONE?! All the work, all the progress, you’ve UN-done?! JUST so YOU could feel GOOD for a minute?! Well how does it feel NOW, wretch?! Failure! UNWORTHY! YOU’LL NEVER BE WORTH ANYTHING!”
“I know. I’m sorry.” It’s all true.
“No. Sorry doesn’t fix this. I don’t even know if you CAN fix this, you filthy burdensome rodent!”
BUT I. CAN. I. AM. BIGGER. YOU CAN TRUST IN ME. THERE’S NOTHING I CAN’T FIX!
A seed of hope…
“Don’t listen to Him. He’s nothing. He doesn’t care about you. NO ONE cares about you, and they never will! How COULD they when you’re so bad and disgusting?! YOU don’t even care for you, and why would you? Why should you? You don’t matter anyway.”
It stings. It’s true. But Hope. Hope. I can still hear His whisper. Hope. Can I trust Him? I don’t believe everything He says, but I know it’s true. I know it’s true. But I don’t believe it.
FATHER, FORGIVE ME!
And light. Blessed, blessed silence. Freedom. Cautious hope. Light. She’s gone, and I am free. For now.